Kärolyn Huum

"Art is sovereign, you have to do everything you can." - Ignotus

Can you tell us a few words about yourself?

My name is Kärolyn Huum and I am a self-taught artist. I was born and raised in South Estonia. Estonia is a small country in Baltic. I was born in May 17 1997 (24 y.o).

In winter on 27th of January in 2018 I was in a car accident with my significant other when our car collided with wrong-way driver's car. In total, three cars took part in this accident. I got the most serious injuries and after the accident I have been unfit for work for four years. After graduating high school I worked in many different places and had various different occupations. Whenever it was possible I tried to develop several different skills. In summer time I loved to travel to Finland to pick strawberries and peas and do other similar work to buy myself clothes for school.

What were your plans before the accident?

Before the accident I wanted to become a choreographer to combine folk dance with modern dance styles. Dancing was my greatest passion. The most injuries was in my leg - my left's foot heel was completely shattered. Doctors did not give me any hope for recovery on walking again. At the present I have managed to get rid of the wheelchair. While my hospital stay I also developed sores under my injured foot, there will always be a possibility that my leg must be amputated.

How did you make the decision to create?

One evening I could not handle my emotions any longer, so I bought the cheapest acrylic paints, canvas and a paint brush and started to paint. I had never gotten any special art related education, but I remember that I liked to draw when I was still at school.

In the next day the canvas was filled with a flower garden and after that I understood that there is a flower garden in my soul. I paint because of the feeling it gives me. I understood that I was naturally talented and had to continue painting. I realized that through deepest of pain you can still create something so amazing and joyfull.

What has the process of creation given you?

After exploring my inner- self more deeply and regular meditation my visual image got better and better and I have discovered that strong and structured inner me creates the whole base for composed life. Painting helps me to sort out my inner self. It gives me an oppurtunity to live in the moment and not think about the past (dead memories) or about the future (imagination). Because we all suffer the consequences. All pieces I paint come for my own visual places. I start painting without knowing with what I will end up. This journey and process are very important to me. Finishing result will always make me surprised and creates a "wow" effect.

How long have you been creating?

I have been painting for two years now. I have sold over 10 paintings. There are many supporters and lovers of my work and at times my paintings get more attention because of their bright or pastellic colours. Many of my supporters tell me that my paintings heal them and give them strength and power. That is what makes me unique. I creating something totally different and new that is all my own creation.

How do you envision your life in 10 years?

In ten years time I see myself living in my own little house, where I have my own studio and small cows. I like to live in the countryside and my dream is to have a little log house in the woods, where I can do something I was born to do and live pain-free as much as possible (so far I have been able to live 2 days without any physical pain in the whole four years). This is a big challenge, but it has come here to teach me something. This is also my biggest goal - to give as many people as possible that deeper knowledge and feeling that the deepest beauty in life might hide itself in simplicity and values and being right here. After the accident in addition to meditating I also started to do yoga and sometimes even winter swimming. Now I understand how important it is to understand that illnesses and problems come to us to challenge us and they are blessings to us, so we could grow as a person. If people want to grow the mindfulness they have to face the deepest losses of things that were important to them. Life do not give us what we want, but gives us what we need.

What advice do you have for others?

To totally accept. To live wholesomely and not be conflicted with out inner selves and not let our intelligence work against us. Before I started painting, I also write. I can share a bit of that with you.

Can you describe the creative process? 

No emotions, no thoughts. One micromoment. Total silence. Deeper breaths. Reaching the center of balance and a deeper feeling for it.

I don't feel anything except peace. Peace I have lived for and chased for. Hoping that this moment will come. A moment where I can't feel anything but constant happiness inside of me and letting my thoughts fly without any struggle. I understand with perfect clarity where I come from, where I am currently and where I want to go. There are no thoughts that could take me to the point, where I once was. Abilty to Control your emotions gives you the ability to Control a big part of your life. Not everything, athough most of the things come to your way to make you understand your own mistakes and mishaps. To cut all ties with repetitive behaviours.

How would you define yourself? 

Often putting yourself in uncomfortable situations and to force our body to adjust, only then it will become resilient and accommodating.

To heal your body and mind, you have to step out of your comfort zone. You need the will to force your mind to break the limits you have set on yourself. It is only comfort that pressures ourselves even deeper and deeper of the frame we have created. People are capable of adapting to almost everything. Even when your inner world is stressful and when your mind is at peace. I am proud that I have been able to heal myself enough throughout this stressful situation, that fighting against the world does not feel like swimming against waves, but rather drifting along steadily. No more of these self-thought crooked roads, the way is much straighter than before - when I fought what felt like against life itself. I let myself flow along smoothly, in life's beauty and pain, without resistance. It is the only thing in my power. Everything surrounding us is so fast-paced, and everyone is seeking for something important, something to make life more valuable. I take a moment and understand, that this place that everyone's trying to reach - it exists within me already. Thank you, Kärolyn. You have persevered and overcome a greater part of your own and the surrounding challenges, to understand, that home is where you yourself are. I was able to let go from the reality I created, that was encoded in me since childhood. Where there is life, there I am, too. I did not just arrive, but I've been here this whole time. I have reached deeper into the understanding, which will affect my life from now on. By abandoning my self-created beliefs and opinions, I am able to glide through the toughness and see the entire picture from a more positive perspective than before. I broke this self-conceived frame, and released myself. Thank you, I love myself completely and everything that surrounds me. Including my strengths, as well as my weaknesses, through which there is constant evolving, the creation and birth of new.